Just a Quick Reflection

Last week, somehow all the jobs I'd applied rejected me like a orchestrated batch. The subsequent rejecting mails were like series of hard blows punching into my stomach. At some points, I got so skilled in it that I could just tell that familiar "unfortunately xxx" phrase was coming.

"I suck. Sorry for being such a big disappointment to you." I told my wife with in sorrow, tears rolling in my eyes. From her look, I didn't need a mirror to tell how miserable I must be at the moment.

Hard realization came with the blows.

For the longest time, I I saw things through the membrane of my own comfortable bubble and walked around with inflated self belief. Since when? I mixed them up in a cauldron with a pinch of flowery imagination, poured them out on myself until I was fully coated in this flaky, sugary shell with no slimmest seam called arrogance.

Now that the shell has finally been broken, it's actually ... relieving. The fresh air flows through; I have no idea how much effort I have spent on holding that shell.

"I suck", yes still.

Just that I'm now saying it with my chest open, my back up-right.

"Now, eat me if you wish."